Hey y’all! Check out this bright, bold and colorful kitchen art work I created for under $15 using supplies from Dollar Tree!
True style doesn’t have a price tag. And money doesn’t grow on trees! Check out this TikTok video of how I styled an outfit using pieces from the Walmart summer clearance rack.
The total of both pieces after taxes was $18.52!
I hope you’re inspired to create your own affordable look!
The entire world is going through difficult times right now. Helping others is a noble thing to do; but, we must be sure that our hard-earned money is not getting into the wrong hands.
Charity scammers are very cunning. They know the right things to say and how to present themselves to potential donors. They fool a few donors and use that support as leverage to get other donors.
They use public platforms, such as social media and public websites, to post inspiring stories. After a little research and common sense, those “inspiring” stories reveal themselves to be nothing more than exaggerated and embellished aimed at appealing to the public’s hearts and wallets.
Fraudulent organizations may use a small portion of donated funds to help others to appear that they are using funds properly. The unethical behavior presents itself when the organization leaders use the other portion of donations to support themselves, their families and personal endeavors. It’s called 𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙢𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙥.
Unfortunately, when you begin to peel back the layers of these fraudulent charities you find that they are nothing more than organized schemes.
I’ve been seeking more opportunities to give back globally and I almost got GOT y’all. I’m thankful for intelligent research and a great support system.
Others may not be so lucky! In this case, I’ve researched with the proper authorities and reputable organizations to compile a list of questions you should ask before donating to ANY charity! I don’t care if it’s your cousin’s, best friend’s auntie’s husband’s family’s organization — take the time to ASK! 😂 It’s your right.
Giving back to those in need and helping our communities is the rent we pay to live on this Earth! Be sure that you are asking the proper questions so that you can assure that your hard-earned monies are being used properly!
Here’s the list of questions you should ask:
𝟭. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱?
𝟮. 𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆/𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗴𝗼 𝘁𝗼?
𝟯. 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝗮 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄?
𝟰. 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘆?
𝟱. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆? 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀?
𝟲. 𝗗𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝟱𝟬𝟭(𝗰)(𝟯) 𝘁𝗮𝘅 𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻?
𝟳. 𝗜𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁/𝘀𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆, 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝗻 𝗴𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 (𝗡𝗚𝗢)?
𝟴. 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿?
𝟵. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰? 𝗜𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿? 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿, 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗼𝗿𝘀?
𝟭𝟬. 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼𝗰𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 “𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀” 𝘃𝗶𝗮 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘀? 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘀?
𝟭𝟭. 𝗗𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿’𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆/𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻?
𝟭𝟮. 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗻𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁? 𝗜𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲?
𝟭𝟯. 𝗜𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘂𝗺 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗳𝗳, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗼𝗿 𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻?
𝟭𝟰. 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻’𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗮𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀? 𝗜𝗳 𝘀𝗼, 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁. 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀, 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝘀, 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 “𝗦𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀” 𝘁𝗼 “𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗼𝘁𝗲” 𝗼𝗿 𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.
16. 𝗗𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗽𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀? 𝗔 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗱𝘂𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀. 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗺𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗴𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝘀𝗸𝗲𝘁𝗰𝗵𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿? 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆.
𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀…
16. 𝗗𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻’𝘀 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀? 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻’𝘀 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲? 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲re 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰? 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀? 𝗔𝗻𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗹𝗮𝗴.
Here are links to some great articles on the subject as well!
Protect yourself and your character beautiful peoples!
✌🏾& ❤ ALWAYS!
First ethical rule: If you see fraud and do not say fraud, you are a fraud.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb
I love a good headwrap! Not only is it an accessory, but, it’s also a great way to protect my tight coils. There is so much history behind headwraps. Here’s a good history lesson.
I get so many compliments on my headwraps. Then I get the questions — “Is it hot” or “how do you scratch your scalp?,” Those are the funny ones. Next the suggestions, “You should do a headwrap tutorial” and “Why don’t you show us what to wear them with sis?” Ding! That’s the sound of a lightbulb sounding off in my head. There are literally hundreds of headwrap tutorials on YouTube. So I decided to take the “What To Wear” route.
Many people think that a headwrap may seem unprofessional or homely, but au contraire, you gots to know how to rock it!
Stretchy, bold colored and printed fabrics are great for beginners. Ankara wax print is a great option for more experienced “wrappers”. Just remember you might need to buy extra because traditional wax prints don’t have any stretch. Anyway you slice it just do your thing and have fun! Most of all stay #FlyAF.
Check out a lookbook of the many ways I rocked my headwraps! Peace y’all! ✌🏾
Check out shopdreamlandcurves.com for more dope fashion! A portion of the proceeds go to a beautiful family in need in Masaka, Uganda! ❤✌🏾
“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” — Oprah Winfrey
*Disclaimer * This blog post is not for the faint of heart.
Throughout my adult life, I’ve always been a sensual, sex loving, giving and receiving type of person. If I was feeling stressed, loved or needing love or just whatever there was nothing like a steamy bedroom session to cure it. An affair filled with role playing, toys, oils, music, etc. You know one of those types of encounters where your body quivers when you climax and then you’re out like a light!
According to Healthline.com, having sex has many benefits. Those benefits include, increased libido, lowering blood pressure, better sleep and a longer life expectancy. That was enough for me. I already know that sex is great so I don’t need an expert to tell me that — right?
I thought I didn’t need any help in the sex category until tragedy struck. I had a partial hysterectomy due to a uterine rupture. My uterus and one ovary was removed.
Removal of the uterus and the ovaries can result in a decrease in hormone production which, in turn, can lead to low libido. And that’s exactly what happened to me — womp, womp, wommmmmp!
My decreased libido had my mind racing. I’m not getting any younger and I was not going to continue running around pretending to be pseudo sexy with a broken pussy!
Remember when Issa rapped about her friend having a ‘broken pussy’ during the first season of the show “Insecure”?
Yeah, that was me. Deep down, there was a chained, sexual beast screaming I WANNA F**K. Just clawing to get out — so I knew that I must save her!
After some serious soul-searching I realized that it’s a mind over matter thing. Brick by brick of heartache and broken trust, I had built up an emotional wall. I was too in my head about past hurtful relationships and experiences. I felt like the bag lady that Erykah Badu warned us about. I was still carrying the baggage or hurt, if you will. It was time to unpack that baggage!
I love a good therapy session. I thought of Dr. Ruth Westheimer — a popular sex therapist when I was growing up. She preached about sex, including being sexually free.
How cool would it be to find a sex therapist in my area to talk about recent sexual trauma and my overall sexual health? It couldn’t be any ol’ therapist though. I preferred a female sex therapist. She had to be a brown woman whose experiences in life may closely mirror mine. I did a quick search and found a therapist whose office is only 10 minutes away from my home! I setup an appointment right away.
When I arrived for my therapy session, a beautiful, mahogany complected woman with long locs greeted me as my therapist. Her energy was mysterious, yet welcoming and lively. As I crossed the threshold of her office, I was immediately taken to another realm. The lights were perfectly dimmed to create an open and free mood. A sensuous smelling candle burned on a table that was next to a big, white, comfy sofa. I sat in the sofa and my therapist in an armchair facing me. Here’s what we discussed:
There Is No Such Thing As a ‘Ho’
The word ‘ho’ is a slang term for the word ‘whore’ meaning prostitute. More often it is used to refer to a promiscuous person. I love sex though! Unfortunately, there’s always been a cultural stigma around people who love sex — especially Black women. My therapist explained that she feels that there’s no such thing as a ‘ho’. Liberation can be found in our ability to go after what we really want; however, she strongly cautioned against confusing sex with love. What she meant is that we need to be sure that our need for sex is not based on a need for emotional commitment. Which brings me to the next point she made.
Be free — Let It All Hang Out
Speaking of sexual liberation, there has been a new revolution in recent years. People have become increasingly more free to express their sexual needs and desires. An article about sexual freedom on the Woodhull Freedom Foundation website defines sexual freedom as the emancipation of sexual expression from arbitrary shackles prescribed by tradition – and sometimes even by law. Those ‘arbitrary shackles’ or repressors, if you will, made me believe that women must give up on the idea of great sex after a hysterectomy. I was so wrong though — in fact sex might be even better! When I freed my mind from all of the souped up, antiquated ideals about sex I allowed myself to be free sexually.
Do To Yourself What You Would Have Someone Do To You
This means exactly what you think! How can I tell someone else what I want if I don’t really know myself? There’s nothing like a good DIY project! There are so many ways to self-pleasure.
- Fantasize about what you want
- Touch your erogenous zones
- Watch porn
- Take a relaxing bath to get you in the mood
- Try masturbation with or without sex toys
Literally — the list goes on and on. It doesn’t matter what you decide to do. NO ONE has to know what you are doing to keep yourself sexually healthy.
Sex Meditation and Affirmations
Yes this is a thing! It’s basically applying the concept of mindfulness, focus and using positive statements to strengthen your sex life. This shit works — I am a witness! Find out more details about sex meditation here and sex affirmations here.
Wear Something Sexy Once Per Week
This one gets me every time! I love lying around, at home, unkempt in comfy sweats. That’s sexy — right? The act of wearing something sexy is so subjective. When I decide that it is “Sexy Time” I break out the wine and get ready to take myself on a date. I play my favorite love music, do my hair and makeup and do a photoshoot. The object of Sexy Time is to remind myself that I am beautiful and I am sexy — self love. That way when someone else tells me the same thing they’re just reaffirming what I already know. You may have the same ritual for another reason or you may refer to this as just plain ol’ self-care. No matter what you call it what you wear on the outside has a strong effect on how you feel on the inside.
Write Down Your Three Favorite Body Parts
Loving my body has a played a major role in my sex life. If I’m feeling sexy, sex is great versus bad sex if I don’t feel so sexy. My therapist suggested that I write down my favorite body parts and why I love them. This journal activity helps me admire and gain a greater appreciation for my body. My three favorite body parts are my legs, my wrists and my vagina. Yes, I said my vajayjay! I won’t go into details; but, it may be my favorite! *insert smirking face emoji here*
Overall, visiting a sex therapist was informative. The visit helped me find clarity about my sex life and health. A hysterectomy does change the biology of a woman’s body; however, it does not have to equate to a boring or absent sex life. It was like one of the many awakenings that one has in their adult life. I’m forever a work in progress; but, now I realize that I don’t have to resolve to traditional, repressed views about sex. Life is good!
Are you a granny or a vixen in bed? Do you have some tips for me? Tell me all about it in the comments. Thanks for reading. See y’all soon!
People in therapy often go to therapy to deal with the people in their lives who won’t go to therapy.
Last year my father died. We didn’t have the best relationship; but, his death and family tensions surrounding his death threw my mind into a tailspin. Not only did my dad’s death throw me for a loop, my job was stressful, I was dealing with a toxic love life and an overall dissatisfaction with the previous state of my life. My brain was literally fried trying to figure out how to navigate all of my issues. Mental health memes, social media pages and meditation apps could no longer save this machine that ran out steam. I felt lifeless — depleted of energy. I needed wings to soar to my highest potential. The popular energy drink Redbull is said to give you wings to keep going; but, even that couldn’t give me the strength I needed.
When I have a toothache I go to the dentist. When I’m having musculoskeletal issues I see an Orthopaedic Surgeon. Having a baby? I head to the OB/GYN. Likewise, my emotions or mental health, if you will, was out of whack so I found a mental health therapist. She didn’t work for me so I kept looking. A mental health therapist is just like any other service provider. Most likely you want to use a hair stylist or barber that you trust and one that suits your needs. Well the same goes for your healthcare providers. I set out to find another therapist with a similar background to mine. I found one and it’s been magical so far.
Now let me clarify I’m like a poster child for seeking and receiving mental health therapy. I see it as my biggest act of bravery for self — self-care if you will. I have witnessed many people go through traumatic experiences and they don’t seek help. I always wonder if they know the damage that does. I never want to be that person. According to nimh.nih.gov, in 2017, over 45 million Americans had a mental health illness and less than half of them received mental health services. No comment on that statistic!
According to alphapsychiatry.com, the top four mental health counseling benefits are:
- Relieve Stress
- Get A Different Perspective
- Overcome Serious Health Concerns
- Find Solutions To Your Problems
I couldn’t have written this list better myself. These are the exact reasons that I seek mental health counseling. As I mentioned, recently my brain was fried around the time that my dad died. I was frozen by my stress. I couldn’t stay like that — or at least if I did it would be to the detriment of my health. With the help of my therapist I have been able to recognize cognitive distortions, that is biased perspectives, in an effort to change my thoughts. We should all know that changing our thoughts for the better will inevitably lead to a better life. And if you didn’t know, now you know!
I’m on like my 10th therapy session. I feel more confident and ready to take on anything that life throws at me. I’m more hopeful and happy. I’m constantly learning how to perfect the art of being my own best friend. Because, after all, if I’m not confident and comfortable with myself I will look outside of myself first for love and happiness. That’s a big NO, NO!
Does mental health counseling give you “wings”? Tell me all about it in the comments or send me a private message. As always, thanks for stopping by. See y’all soon!