DIY Grocery Store Flower Bouquet Centerpiece

I purchased the flower bouquet from the grocery store for $20 and the vase was $4 after coupon at Hobby Lobby.

6 Things I Learned From A Sex Therapist

*Disclaimer * This blog post is not for the faint of heart.

Throughout my adult life, I’ve always been a sensual, sex loving, giving and receiving type of person. If I was feeling stressed, loved or needing love or just whatever there was nothing like a steamy bedroom session to cure it. An affair filled with role playing, toys, oils, music, etc. You know one of those types of encounters where your body quivers when you climax and then you’re out like a light!

According to Healthline.com, having sex has many benefits. Those benefits include, increased libido, lowering blood pressure, better sleep and a longer life expectancy. That was enough for me. I already know that sex is great so I don’t need an expert to tell me that — right?

I thought I didn’t need any help in the sex category until tragedy struck. I had a partial hysterectomy due to a uterine rupture. My uterus and one ovary was removed.

Via Mom Junction

Removal of the uterus and the ovaries can result in a decrease in hormone production which, in turn, can lead to low libido. And that’s exactly what happened to me — womp, womp, wommmmmp!

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Via National Center for Biotechnology

My decreased libido had my mind racing. I’m not getting any younger and I was not going to continue running around pretending to be pseudo sexy with a broken pussy!

Remember when Issa rapped about her friend having a ‘broken pussy’ during the first season of the show “Insecure”?

Yeah, that was me. Deep down, there was a chained, sexual beast screaming I WANNA F**K. Just clawing to get out — so I knew that I must save her!

After some serious soul-searching I realized that it’s a mind over matter thing. Brick by brick of heartache and broken trust, I had built up an emotional wall. I was too in my head about past hurtful relationships and experiences. I felt like the bag lady that Erykah Badu warned us about. I was still carrying the baggage or hurt, if you will. It was time to unpack that baggage!

I love a good therapy session. I thought of Dr. Ruth Westheimer — a popular sex therapist when I was growing up. She preached about sex, including being sexually free.

How cool would it be to find a sex therapist in my area to talk about recent sexual trauma and my overall sexual health? It couldn’t be any ol’ therapist though. I preferred a female sex therapist. She had to be a brown woman whose experiences in life may closely mirror mine. I did a quick search and found a therapist whose office is only 10 minutes away from my home! I setup an appointment right away.

When I arrived for my therapy session, a beautiful, mahogany complected woman with long locs greeted me as my therapist. Her energy was mysterious, yet welcoming and lively. As I crossed the threshold of her office, I was immediately taken to another realm. The lights were perfectly dimmed to create an open and free mood. A sensuous smelling candle burned on a table that was next to a big, white, comfy sofa. I sat in the sofa and my therapist in an armchair facing me. Here’s what we discussed:

There Is No Such Thing As a ‘Ho’

The word ‘ho’ is a slang term for the word ‘whore’ meaning prostitute. More often it is used to refer to a promiscuous person. I love sex though! Unfortunately, there’s always been a cultural stigma around people who love sex — especially Black women. My therapist explained that she feels that there’s no such thing as a ‘ho’. Liberation can be found in our ability to go after what we really want; however, she strongly cautioned against confusing sex with love. What she meant is that we need to be sure that our need for sex is not based on a need for emotional commitment. Which brings me to the next point she made.

Be free — Let It All Hang Out

Speaking of sexual liberation, there has been a new revolution in recent years. People have become increasingly more free to express their sexual needs and desires. An article about sexual freedom on the Woodhull Freedom Foundation website defines sexual freedom as the emancipation of sexual expression from arbitrary shackles prescribed by tradition – and sometimes even by law. Those ‘arbitrary shackles’ or repressors, if you will, made me believe that women must give up on the idea of great sex after a hysterectomy. I was so wrong though — in fact sex might be even better! When I freed my mind from all of the souped up, antiquated ideals about sex I allowed myself to be free sexually.

Do To Yourself What You Would Have Someone Do To You

This means exactly what you think! How can I tell someone else what I want if I don’t really know myself? There’s nothing like a good DIY project! There are so many ways to self-pleasure.

  • Fantasize about what you want
  • Touch your erogenous zones
  • Watch porn
  • Take a relaxing bath to get you in the mood
  • Try masturbation with or without sex toys

Literally — the list goes on and on. It doesn’t matter what you decide to do. NO ONE has to know what you are doing to keep yourself sexually healthy.

Sex Meditation and Affirmations

Yes this is a thing! It’s basically applying the concept of mindfulness, focus and using positive statements to strengthen your sex life. This shit works — I am a witness! Find out more details about sex meditation here and sex affirmations here.

Wear Something Sexy Once Per Week

This one gets me every time! I love lying around, at home, unkempt in comfy sweats. That’s sexy — right? The act of wearing something sexy is so subjective. When I decide that it is “Sexy Time” I break out the wine and get ready to take myself on a date. I play my favorite love music, do my hair and makeup and do a photoshoot. The object of Sexy Time is to remind myself that I am beautiful and I am sexy — self love. That way when someone else tells me the same thing they’re just reaffirming what I already know. You may have the same ritual for another reason or you may refer to this as just plain ol’ self-care. No matter what you call it what you wear on the outside has a strong effect on how you feel on the inside.

Write Down Your Three Favorite Body Parts

Loving my body has a played a major role in my sex life. If I’m feeling sexy, sex is great versus bad sex if I don’t feel so sexy. My therapist suggested that I write down my favorite body parts and why I love them. This journal activity helps me admire and gain a greater appreciation for my body. My three favorite body parts are my legs, my wrists and my vagina. Yes, I said my vajayjay! I won’t go into details; but, it may be my favorite! *insert smirking face emoji here*

Overall, visiting a sex therapist was informative. The visit helped me find clarity about my sex life and health. A hysterectomy does change the biology of a woman’s body; however, it does not have to equate to a boring or absent sex life. It was like one of the many awakenings that one has in their adult life. I’m forever a work in progress; but, now I realize that I don’t have to resolve to traditional, repressed views about sex. Life is good!

Are you a granny or a vixen in bed? Do you have some tips for me? Tell me all about it in the comments. Thanks for reading. See y’all soon!

DIY Asian-Style Cabinet

Create your own Asian-style furniture for a fraction of the cost of the real thing! Use this super easy tutorial to help you make your own custom furniture pieces.

I have an eclectic personality, so of course, my taste in furniture is the same. I live in a one bedroom, open loft space so I have to be creative with storage options. I needed a stylish entertainment/random stuff storage cabinet. I saw an Asian-style cabinet similar to this one on charish.com:

I fell in love and knew that I had to have it in my space. There was one big problem though — it was way too expensive. So I went on a wild goose chase looking for something in my price range of $300 or less. Unfortunately, all I could find were these beautiful pieces ranging from $3000-10,000:

So what’s a DIYer to do when she can’t find what she needs for purchase — she makes it herself of course!

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Here’s what I used to make my own Asian-style credenza:

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  • An old credenza or sideboard. I found this one on Craigslist for $50.
  • Annie Sloan Chalk Paint in the color Emperor’s Silk
  • Annie Sloan Clear and Dark Chalk Paint Wax

  • Various natural bristle paint brushes
  • Paint and wax stirring tools, I used an old butter knife
  • Sandpaper
  • Drill
  • Hammer
  • Asian Cabinet Hardware
  • Needle Nose pliers
  • Disposable shop towels

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Tutorial: DIY Asian-Style Credenza

Step 1

Remove old hardware and sand down rough spots

Step 2

Clean away dust, dirt and grease

Step 3

Paint one coat of paint, allow time to dry. Paint a second coat of paint and allow to fully dry for 24 hours or more.

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Step 4

Apply clear wax in sections and immediately wipe down after each section. The clear wax seals the paint.

Step 5

Apply dark wax in sections and immediately wipe down after each section. The dark wax gives the bright, red color an antiqued look.

Step 6

Apply final coat of clear wax in sections and wipe down each section afterwards like previously. The final coat of clear wax seals in the dark wax.

Step 7

Install hardware per manufacturer’s instructions and you’re done!

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Step 8

Enjoy the finished project!

The entire project cost me under $150! That’s only a fraction of what I would have paid if I bought it from some bourgie furniture store.

How do you think I did? Tell me about it in the comments section. Thanks for reading!

DIY Lip Print Jeans

In 2016, the red lip print trend was crazy! It was partly fueled by artist Donald Robertson’s signature lip print collections released the prior year.

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2015 Brian Atwood x Donald Robertson Collaboration via shoerazzi.com

Fast forward to 2019 and I’m bored with the trend. Then one day I was scrolling through my IG feed and saw this:

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I fell in love with the look, so of course I had to create a plus size version of the jeans!

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Here’s what you need to make your own Lip Print Jeans:

  • Old pair of jeans
  • Fabric paint and/or markers ( I used Leather Studio brand paint in red and a black Sharpie marker)
  • Paper plate
  • Stencil
  • Paint brushes
  • Stencil sponges

Tutorial

  1. Find an old pair of jeans. I found this pair on the clearance rack at Old Navy for $2.47!
  2. Find a lip stencil or create one like I did. To create my stencil I put a piece of paper over the image below, traced it and cut it out. Simple!

You don’t have to create your own stencil or use a lip stencil. You can find lots of cool stencils on Amazon.com or at your local craft store.

3. Lay the jeans out on a flat surface

4. Squeeze your paint onto a paper plate and dab a stencil sponge into the paint until it is fully coated then lightly dab any excess paint onto the paper plate.

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5. Position the stencil on the jeans in a manner that you desire. Lightly dab the paint over the stencil until fully colored in on the jeans. Repeat those steps all over the jeans and as needed to refill your sponge.

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6. Allow the painted jeans to dry on a flat surface.

7. Once the paint dries use a Sharpie to draw a lip line and create an opening for a pouty lip look.

And voila, here’s the finished look!

Do you like? Comment below with your thoughts. Also, don’t forget to click the “Follow” button so you won’t miss out!

I think you’ll LOVE these posts…

Getting to the Bag! | DIY Straw Clutch

DIY Gallery Wall

Blue Crush | DIY Arm Chair Makeover

Art Gallery At Home | DIY Gallery Wall

You don’t have to be a millionaire or interior design expert to create a beautiful gallery wall. All you need is some design inspiration and dope art. Check out the details on how I created my own little art gallery.

Pick A Wall

Credit: Shemazing.com

I chose a large, blank white wall because my style and mood is constantly changing. I wanted to have the option to add and remove art as desired. Other great places for a gallery wall include, over the bed or sofa, up a stairway or over an entry table or credenza.

Decide On The Type Of Gallery

Decide if you want a gallery of photos of family and/or loved ones, wall sculptures, art or a combination of all. Should every frame match or would you like different frames and sizes for a bohemian look? It’s all about your style and tastes.

Credit: Kashmir.VIII

I decided to do a clean, bright and bold look. I kept it clean by using the same type of square black frames for the art.

I picked up the Pop Art prints shown above from an artist named Kashmir.VIII

I purchased these black and white prints from an artist at a local flea market. They were the perfect neutral to balance out all of the bright colors.

  • Finally, I needed some texture on the wall to finish things off. This colorful Papier-mache mask was a steal for only $5 at a local antique store.

    Then I added this cool ceramic plate I painted at a pottery painting studio in Charlotte, NC called Dish It Out.

    Create A Layout

    Credit: Pinterest

    I found the the template pictured above on Pinterest.

    This is a pic of how I laid out the art before hanging it. I didn’t use a template. Instead, I ended up freestyling the layout based on what would work best for my wall. I used the print set as a base and just filled in the rest.

    Gather Supplies

    The following tools came in handy for me:

    • Standard level
    • Stud finder
    • Picture hanging kit
    • Command picture hanging strips
    • Metal wall plate easel
    • Photo frames with mats

    Credit: Walmart.com

    • Gorilla hooks, pictured above, came in so handy when I couldn’t find a stud in the wall where I needed it.
    • Add Accessories

    I wanted my guests and I to feel like we were really in an art gallery so I added a bench. I found this textured bench at TJMaxx and the throw pillows came from Target and Ikea. Everything still has a clean look, but, the accessories add a little flare.

    Enjoy and Change As Needed

    Don’t worry about being perfect. There’s always room to change things up by adding more. I plan to cover this whole wall; but, what I have for now is a great start.

    This art gallery look cost around $300 for everything; but, it can be created with much less or more depending on your budget.

    So what so you think? Are you inspired to create your own look or do you already have a gallery wall? Tell me all about it in the comments below.

    As always, thanks for reading. See y’all soon!

The 25 Minute Makeover |DIY Office Chair Redo

Hello lovelies! I’ll make this short and sweet just like the time it took me to do this project.

I started working from home recently and I needed to throw together an office space in less than a week. I had almost everything that I needed; but, my challenge was to find an office chair that would go with my colorful and eclectic space. I also know that I’d rather spend more money on a vacation, a pair of shoes or even a charity donation than some ol’ office chair. So the scavenger hunt began! I didn’t have to search too hard though.

I ran across this dusty n’ dingy $10 office chair at a local thrift store:

I disassembled the chair.

Cleaned her up real good and used damn near a whole can of Lysol and Febreeze to freshen the fabric:

I used about one and a half yards of Ankara print fabric to cover the top and bottom cushion of the chair.

I laid the cushion on top of the fabric and cut around the perimeter making sure that I left enough to pull up over the sides and staple to the bottom.

I needed to be able to pull the fabric taut like this:

While stapling the fabric with a light duty stapler like this:

To ensure that the seat cushion would be smooth like this on the front side:

Once I finished stapling, I cut off the excess fabric from the back. Then I set the bottom cushion aside as I worked on the back cushion:

I knew that the back would be a challenge because of the back adjustment doohickey.

And yes doohickey is a word, it is formally defined as the following:

doo·hick·ey

ˈdo͞oˌhikē/

noun

informal•North American

noun: doohickey; plural noun: doohickeys

1. a small object or gadget, especially one whose name the speaker does not know or cannot recall.

“a garage filled with electronic parts and other valuable doohickeys”

That’s neither here nor there though. I wrapped and tucked that bad boy fabric around the cushion like a head wrap or gift and stapled it.

Now, you can see a good bit of the staples up close; but, it’s ok. If I was making this for someone other than myself I would have solved for that little faux pas.

And voila ladies and gentlemen, the finished product:

A nice, clean, comfy and stylish office chair made in under 30 minutes. I hope I have inspired you to update something in your life. Tell me all about it below in the comments!

You don’t want to miss a thing so don’t forget to hit the Follow button below. As always, thanks for stopping by, see y’all soon!

Easy Custom Doormat | DIY

Hey ya’ll! I needed a doormat so I started searching and ran across this one on Amazon.com:

My loved ones know that my favorite greeting is, you guessed it, “Hey y’all!” The price of the mat is listed as $39. I thought to myself, “That’s a steal!” All of sudden I was overtaken by the spirit of my late Grandma Essie. She was a talentedly, creative soul. Somehow I could feel her and hear her voice saying, “40 dollars! I can make that for less.” And so, I did.

I purchased this TRAMPA mat from IKEA for $5.

Then I purchased these bulletin letters from Dollar General for $1:

It’s not exactly a stencil, but the letters are a good size and it was cheap. I made it work!

Next up, I had some black acrylic “chalk paint” in my stash. I think I paid like 2 bucks for it at my local craft store.

Now it was time to determine the letter placement:

Once I determined the placement, I used the letter outlines as stencils and used a stencil brush like this to stipple the letters onto the mat:

Let the mat dry for 24-48 hours.

The finished project cost was about $6! Isn’t that incredible?

So what do you think? Will you try this easy project out for yourself? You can use any combination of phrases, symbols or stencils you like. Tell me all about it in the comment section below.

As always, you don’t want to miss a thing so be sure to click the ‘Subscribe’ button below. Thanks for stopping by to check me out. See y’all soon!

Getting to the Bag! | DIY Straw Clutch

Hello, world! I’m literally getting to the bag with my latest DIY! What’s that you say? You don’t know what the phrase ‘getting to the bag’ means? It means to make money!

Straw bags are a hot ticket accessory this summer.

I saw this clutch online for almost $50 and I literally laughed out loud! I knew that I could make it my damn self for much less — so I did.

I found this straw bag at my local craft store.

Immediately my wheels started turning. The clutch was priced at $9.99, but I was able to get it for half that with a coupon. Always check for coupons!

Making Tassels

I’m signed up for alerts from Joann Fabrics and they send 60% off coupons occasionally. When they send those I go rack up on supplies. I had a large bag of embroidery floss sitting around. I paid $9.95 for 100 skeins of floss. That equates to about $.10 per skein. I used nine of them to make tassels for this project.

Tassels are so easy to make. I used to make them as a kid using my grandmother’s supplies, unbeknownst to her of course. She’d wonder why her supplies had disappeared. Meanwhile, I was he supply thief! I was stashing supplies for late night crafting sessions while everyone was asleep. Of course, that’s neither here nor there. The tassel trend is popping right now too. They’re on jewelry, clothing, accessories — you name it!

Here’s how I make them:

  1. Choose your color and carefully remove the paper from the skein.

2. Find the loose end and measure out about 5 inches of floss. You can shorten this amount as you get the hang of the process.

3. Next use the cut piece of floss to tie a knot in the center of the skein of floss. You should be left with something that looks like this:

4. Cut excess thread, being careful not to cut low enough to cut the knot you just made. You can leave the excess there to hang the tassel later if you choose. Otherwise it should look like this:

5. Now take another piece of floss the same or different color. For this project I chose gold to add a little shimmer. Fold the knotted floss (working floss) in half and tie another knot with the gold floss about two to three inches down from the top of your working floss. Use one of the ends to make a small loop with a little left out at the end. Hold the look with your thumb to hold in place.

6. Use the other hand to wrap the other end of the floss while holding the loop in place. Continue to wrap until you have about 3 inches of floss left. Thread the remaining 3 inches through the loop and pull until loop tightens. You should be left with two ends.

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7. Tight a tight knot and cut off the ends as close as you can without cutting the knot. You can use super glue to glue down any flyaways.

8. Next cut the middle of the tassel to give it that fringed look. Trim the ends to the desired length and evenness.

9. And voila, magic! You can use them anyway you like. The possibilities are endless!

10. The final step for this project was to sew the tassels onto clutch. I used a needle and clear thread to sew them around the perimeter of the flap.

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There are many other ways to make tassels. If you need to see the process of making tassels try YouTube or Google. If you like the pricer version with the Pom Pom Fringe trim try Amazon.com for the fringe.

In total I spent (drumroll please) $5.80 for this project! That’s a savings of up to $45! Name brands are cool; but, saving money is cooler. My grandfather always said, “That’s how the rich stays rich!”

Do you have questions? Did you like this DIY? Will you make your own? Tell me all about it in the comments below.

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Blue Crush | DIY Arm Chair Makeover

Oh happy day lovelies! Today I want to share a DIY that I did a while ago. I was inspired by this piece:

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Via Instagram, @sweet_tea_furniture

This cabinet was refurbished by a company called Sweet Tea Furniture located in a little town called Elgin, near Columbia, SC. They specialize in giving a new, vibrant life to vintage, antique and home decor. Their prices are very reasonable but, unfortunately, my budget for a chair was only $100 or less.

I knew that I would have to get crafty for this one! I’m all about color so this piece had to be bold and eye-catching. After doing some research, I realized that I would get the look I wanted by painting a leather or vinyl chair. Chalk paint was the best option for this job because it adheres well and dries with a matte finish. There are wax sealant options for chalk paint that will allow for a satin or glossy finish if desired. I settled on Valspar’s Tintable Chalk paint in the color Blue Crush. It’s a cool color somewhere in between a Cyan and Turquoise hue.

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I went on a “Flea Market Finds” type hunt looking for a low priced, vinyl chair. I searched local flea markets, thrift stores and garage sales. I finally lucked up on this cute litte swivel chair for $50:

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The chair was dingy; but, it was still in pretty good shape. This is how I prepped and painted the chair:

  1. I didn’t like the chair skirt so I removed it. I heavily sprayed the inside of the chair with Lysol and I wiped the outside with mild soap and Clorox. I’m not sure if I was supposed to use those products on vinyl, but I didn’t care. I didn’t know whose ass had been in that chair so I had to do it! I was careful to be sure that I removed all loose dirt. I let the chair air dry for 24 hours.
  2. Painting was a little time-consuming. The paint went on smoothly and slightly thick. There was no need for a primer. I used a fairly cheap paintbrush. That was the worst mistake of the project because bristles were coming out as I painted. Next time I will use foam brushes and keep a good quality paintbrush on hand just in case I need it.

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3. The next step was painting the cushion. I propped it against a metal stake that was lying around and went to work painting it. I decided to only paint one side to save time. Maybe I’ll paint the other side if I decide to give it away.

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4. I wasn’t sure what to do with the legs or underbody of the chair since I removed the skirt. It was my first project of the sort so I decided to leave it as is — perfectly imperfect.

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5. Finally, I let the chair dry for 24 hours, gave it another coat and let it dry for 48 hours before using it. I didn’t use any wax sealant because I haven’t decided if I will repaint it later. When a sealant is used to finish it becomes semi-permanent and is almost impossible to remove from certain surfaces. Luckily, I was pleased with the satiny smooth finish. In total I spent approximately $65 for this project. That total includes $50 for the chair and $15 for supplies. Here’s the finished product in my space:

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So what do you think? Are you inspired to paint your own piece of furniture now? Do you have tips and/or questions? Drop a comment below.

As always, thank y’all for checking me out. Click on the subscribe button below so that you’ll never miss an update!